Wait For You
by DobbyRocksSocks
Summary: AU - Elliot didn't take the shot on Jenna. Olivia did. Rated for language and a small mention of substance abuse.
**Disclaimer - I own nothing you recognise.**

 **AU - Olivia was the one who shot Jenna.**

* * *

 **Wait For You**

* * *

He waited for her to come back but she never arrived. Morning after morning, he'd sit at his desk, half of his attention on his paperwork, the other half on the door, just waiting for her to breeze through it in her usual fashion. She never did.

She wouldn't answer her phone.

She wouldn't answer her door.

Cragen told him she just needed time. She'd be back when she was ready, and until then, he'd have to manage as best he could. Elliot was barely staying above water. Without her there to anchor him, he felt like he was spiralling, completely out of control. He felt empty.

He'd never really realised just how much he depended on her before. She was always there. He'd thought the months she was undercover had been hell, but then, he'd known she was coming back. Even if he was angry at the time, he'd still known she'd come back. This time... this time he wasn't sure. There wasn't any guarantee that she'd come back.

He couldn't let that happen.

* * *

"She's not coming back, Elliot."

"What?"

"She's not coming back. It's time to pack up her desk."

"When did you see her?"

"I didn't. She called this morning."

"Where was she?"

Don sighed. "I don't know. She... she didn't sound good."

"She can't just leave. She'll get past this, Cap, we just have to give her time."

"It's not that simple, Elliot. There's only so long we can hold her space in the unit open, and she called me and told me she couldn't come back. I have to do as she asked."

Shaking his head, Elliot slammed his hand against the wall. Anger, rage, heartbreak... they all battled inside him. "No. She can't do that. Look just... give me a week. I'll find her and I'll talk to her and I'll make it right."

"Elliot..."

"A week, Cap. Please."

Sighing, Don nodded. "Okay. You can have a week. I... I hope you can talk to her, Elliot. I don't want to lose her any more than you do."

* * *

Taking a steadying breath, Elliot put the key in the door and let himself in. He knew he was probably out of line, letting himself into her apartment when, technically, it wasn't an emergency, but...

He was willing to face the consequences.

The living room was dark, but he could see the outline of her figure on the sofa. Closing the door quietly behind himself, he took a few steps closer to her as his eyes adjusted to the lack of light.

"Liv?"

"I'm still alive, Elliot. You can go now."

Her tone was flat and lifeless, and he watched her lift a bottle to her lips.

"What are you doing, Olivia?" he asked, taking a few more steps towards her until he crouched down in front of her. She refused to meet his eyes, staring instead at the wall behind him. She didn't answer his question, merely took another drink from the bottle. A single tear slipped down her cheek.

"Liv. Talk to me."

"There's nothing to say. You can go now, Elliot."

"I'm not going anywhere! What the hell are you doing to yourself?"

She glared at him. "Don't you fucking judge me, Elliot Stabler! I'm doing what I need to do to get through the day. We're not all invincible like you. Sometimes people break... sometimes they shatter into an irreparable mess... I'm... its... I can't do it any more..."

He watched the tears flowing from her eyes, heard her words turn into incoherent mumblings, and his heart broke a little more. Leaning forward, he wrapped his large arms around her small frame and pulled her into his chest. She tried to push him away, but he held on for all he was worth, and finally she slumped against him, sobbing into his chest.

Shifting his weight, Elliot turned them around and moved onto the sofa, pulling her onto his lap. He rubbed one hand up and down her back, and stroked her hair with the other, hoping he could offer her the comfort she'd often given him just by being by his side. Eventually, her breathing evened out, and he felt her get slightly heavier against him.

She'd fallen asleep.

He briefly wondered how long it had been since she'd actually slept, but decided that as long as she was comfortable, he'd stay right where he was so she could get the rest she so clearly needed. Tipping his head back against the sofa, he closed his eyes.

* * *

He jerked awake several hours later when he felt her move. She sat up slowly, rubbing a hand over her face. Cricking his neck, he watched her cautiously, much like one would watch a stalking tiger.

As the night before, she wouldn't meet his eyes.

"I'm sorry I kept you here all night. Send my apologies to Kathy," she murmured as she stood up. "You should go. I'm sure you have work or... something to do. I'll see you around, El."

"I told you last night, Liv. I'm not going anywhere."

Her whole body seemed to sag and she left the living room, heading towards her bedroom. Even if he'd thought about following her, the harshly closed door would have told him in no uncertain terms that he wasn't welcome. He stretched himself out before heading into her kitchen. Unsurprisingly, there was no food in the fridge or the cupboards, and he rolled his eyes.

How was he supposed to make breakfast without even the basest of materials?

Hearing her shower running, he figured he had enough time to head over to the deli across the street. He dithered for a moment on whether to leave a note or not, but decided against it, hoping he would be back before she even ventured back out of her bedroom.

Twenty minutes later, he was once more letting himself into the apartment, coffee and bagels in hand. Olivia was nowhere to be seen, so he put the goodies on the table and sat down. He wouldn't eat until she did, but his coffee was fair game. Ten more minutes passed before she opened her bedroom door and returned to the living room.

She eyed the bagels on the table, but picked up the coffee.

"Thanks."

He nodded. "You're welcome."

"What are you doing here, El?" she asked after a moment, sitting down on the opposite end of the sofa, tucking her legs beneath her.

"Do I need a reason to come and see my best friend?"

She just stared at him.

"Cragen told me to pack your desk up, that you weren't coming back. You never answer my calls or messages, you never answer the door, so... I did the next best thing."

"So, me not answering you wasn't hint enough, huh?"

"I'm not going to sit aside and let you destroy yourself, Liv."

She shrugged. "I destroy everything else. Why not myself?"

"This isn't you and you know that as well as I do. You are the heart and soul of SVU. You are the only thing that has kept me alive and kicking for the past thirteen years. You are also the strongest person I've ever had the pleasure of knowing."

"I killed a child, Elliot! Do you know how that makes me feel? I took the life of a young girl, a young girl who had just lost her mother!"

"It was a good shoot, Liv. She was endangering the lives of everyone in that bullpen, she'd already murdered two people. You didn't have a choice!"

She laughed, and for the first time ever, Elliot didn't think it was a beautiful sound. It was cold and harsh and not her.

"You think I did it to protect everyone else, Elliot? No. I shot a child because I was scared she was going to shoot you! I did precisely what you did with Gitano, and now, I finally get it, because guess what? It fucking sucks. I can't do it any longer, don't you get that? I can't come into work everyday, spend hours at a time by your side, and still do my job. I can't, because now I know that if it comes to it, and I have the choice to save you or the victims we work with every day, I'm going to choose you every single fucking time."

He blinked twice. "You think I don't feel the same, Liv? If I was given the choice, between saving you and saving someone else, anyone else, you don't think I'd choose you?"

He could see her shaking, but he didn't reach out to touch her. Not yet.

"It's not right," she whispered. "Don't you see that? It's not right."

"So instead, you're going to sit here and drink yourself into a stupor every day? You're going to kill yourself with alcohol instead of dealing with the emotions you're feeling?"

She nodded, and her eyes hardened. "Sounds like a good plan to me. You can see yourself out."

"Not happening, Liv."

"Okay."

She stood up and left the room again. He watched her with narrowed eyes, not liking how easily she'd given in. That wasn't Liv. She was up to something. She came back out a minute later, now clad in jeans and boots and a fur lined jacket.

"If you're not leaving, I will," she told him airily. "Enjoy your day in my apartment, Elliot."

He leapt up from the sofa, making it to the door before she did. "That's not happening, either, Liv."

"Get out of my way."

"Nope."

"Elliot. Move."

"Nope. We're gonna deal with this now, because I'm not loosing you, Olivia."

"Move out of my fucking way," she growled, trying to push him aside.

"No."

"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!"

Deftly dodging her fist, he wrapped an arm around her waist and pushed her gently but firmly against the wall, effectively trapping her.

"I'm doing it, because I love you, Olivia Benson."

"No, no, no," she murmured, the fight leaving her instantly. "Don't say that. You can't say that."

"Why not?"

"Because you can't and you don't... that. You can't. I'm... no. You can't."

She was shaking again, and this time, he lifted a hand to stroke her face. "I can love you, and I do love you, and I plan to spend every single day for as long as you'll let me showing you just how much."

"You can't," she whispered. "I'm not worth it. I'm not worth you."

"Isn't that my decision? Where is the strong, beautiful, sarcastic, irritating, stubborn woman that I can't live without? I know she's still in there somewhere, Liv. How about you help me find her again, huh?"

"I don't know how," she admitted.

"I'll help you. I need you, Liv, and I know I'm being selfish, and probably arrogant, but I think you need me too. We can do this together."

She fell against his chest, wrapping her arms around his waist. "I'm sorry, El. So sorry."

"Hey, you have nothing to be sorry for. Come on. We'll eat breakfast and maybe take a walk in central park after?"

She wiped away her tears and nodded. "Okay."

* * *

"You should go home, El," Olivia said that evening as the second movie of the night finished.

"I don't know how many times I'm gonna have to say that I'm not leaving you, Liv."

"I don't mean that I'm going to hit the bottle as soon as you leave," she replied, rolling her eyes. "You have a family, El. You should be with them."

"You are my family," he said, taking her hand in his. "Besides, Kathy has Eli until this weekend, so I'm all yours."

She frowned. "What?"

"A lot can happen in two months, Liv. Kathy filed the divorce papers we signed years ago. I have an apartment near the station now."

"Oh. I'm sorry, El. I... Here I was going on about me and you're going through that. I'm sorry."

"I'm okay, Liv. Well, I am now. It should tell you how I feel that I was more upset about you not being around than I was about my divorce."

"I... um... I don't really know what to say."

"Tell me that you won't disappear on me, again."

"I won't disappear again," she repeated. When he looked at her doubtfully, she squeezed his hand. "I promise."

"So... you'll answer the door when I knock in the morning?"

She smiled. "I will."

They both stood up and walked to the door, still holding hands. Elliot opened the door, then turned back to Olivia, pulling her into a hug. "I love you, Liv."

She blushed and looked down. "Night, El.

"Night." He kissed her temple and let go of her hand. She watched him walk down the hallway until she couldn't see him any more before she closed the door.

* * *

When Elliot arrived at Olivia's apartment the following morning, the door was already open.

"Liv?"

"In here," she replied, calling out from the bedroom. He walked through the living room, and stood in the doorway to her bedroom, a frown on his face.

"Going somewhere?" he asked, looking from her to the large bag on her bed that was currently half full of clothes.

"I was going to leave last night, but I promised I'd be here this morning," she told him, sitting on the bed and patting the space beside her. He sat down, eyes never leaving hers.

"Where are you going?"

"I need help, El. Professional help. The drinking, the depression, the post traumatic stress, it's... I need help. I know it's not fair to you, because I left you for two months already, but if I don't go... I'm not worthy of you as I am now. I'm not the woman you love, and... you need her, not me. I need her."

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "Where are you going?" he asked again.

"A residential rehab just outside of Queens. They don't allow visitors, but I can write to you," she replied quietly.

"How long?"

"I don't know."

"What about... work?"

"I spoke to Don this morning. He'll keep my opening for me. I will come back, El, I swear it."

He nodded, a tear falling onto his cheek. "I'll wait for you, Liv. I promise. As long as it takes, I'll wait for you."

"I can't ask you to do that."

"You don't have to ask. I'd wait forever for you, Olivia."

She embraced him tightly, nuzzling her face into his neck.

"Can I take you?"

"I don't want to say goodbye."

"It won't be goodbye," he argued. "It'll be 'See you soon.'"

* * *

She was strangely nervous walking back into the bullpen of the 1-6. She'd been away from it for almost five months. Her eyes moved from desk to desk, settling on her own for a second, before she walked into the captains office. A slightly emotional reunion, which included a hug, a reprimand for worrying them all, and a smile when she said she was ready to come back.

"Where is he?" she asked, her hand on the door handle.

"In court. He'll be back soon."

She nodded and smiled. "I'll wait for him then. I'll see you on Monday, Cap."

Taking her seat at her desk, she flipped through some of the files she still had in her drawers while she waited for Elliot to return. He didn't know she was home already, he thought it'd be another week.

"Liv?"

She turned to the door, her eyes immediately coming to rest on the man she could now openly admit she was desperately in love with. Standing up, she walked towards him slowly.

"I'm Detective Benson again, now, Stabler."

The smile that had already formed on his face widened as he picked her up, swinging her around in a circle.

"I can't believe you're here," he said as he set her back down on the floor.

"Hmm. It's good to be home."

He stroked her cheek. "I've missed you."

She smiled, leaning into his touch. "I missed you more."

"No you didn't."

"Did."

He laughed. "When are you officially back?"

"Monday."

"Today is Friday, and I have the weekend off. Eli is with Kathy."

"I know. You told me in your last letter."

"Wanna do something?"

She nodded. "I think you've waited for me long enough, El."

"Liv?"

"I love you too," she murmured, before pushing herself up on her toes and pressing her lips to his.


End file.
